


Awakenings

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:04:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2127768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I was instrumental to an almost entirely bloodless end to the goddamn Cold War but I couldn’t start a decent conversation with my daughter.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awakenings

**Author's Note:**

> When I first started writing I didn’t know if this was canon, fanon, Dannon, or Shannon…I can write these two almost anywhere. Soon enough it was revealed to me but I'm just happy to hear from them again. I know the canon universe hardly has time for all the things moving around in my head but I think something like this, seeing these characters more than once, would’ve been just lovely. This is Criminal Minds fic #1199.

Thunder rumbled across the sky as his eyes slowly opened. He didn’t know what time it was or how long he’d been asleep. She was wide awake beside him. It wasn’t just up from the storm awake or had a bad dream awake; he had experience with those. This was ‘never been asleep’ awake. 

Though she was right beside him in the bed they often shared for over a year, she was light years away in her mind. Even her body language, lying on her back as stiff as a board, suggested something like an out of body experience. He didn’t want to startle or upset her so Tom planned to tread lightly. He inhaled through his nose and exhaled before whispering her name.

“Elizabeth? Liddy?” he put his hand on her arm. “Lids?”

She turned to look at him; the familiarity was instant. It made her smile but the gesture didn’t quite make it to her eyes.

“Did the storm wake you?” she asked.

“I don't know.” Tom covered his mouth with the back of his hand as he yawned. “Did it wake you?”

“I haven’t been to sleep.”

She knew he was shocked that the honest truth was her first answer. There were things Elizabeth had to let go of in starting a relationship with Tom. The least of those things was the ten year age difference. She had to let down her walls. They were quite high and been erected over a long period of time. 

She had to give up the last word and always being right. She had to give up telling people what they wanted to hear for the so-called greater good. She had to give up on the bitch and martyr cycle. It had been Gregory who called it that though he always said his ex-wife wasn’t the originator. Elizabeth had to be in absolute control of everything, he said. If she wasn’t and something happened then the martyr would come rolling in. She did what she did for her family, she should’ve been listened to, she was the only one making sacrifices, etc., etc., etc.

Elizabeth didn’t want to be that way with Tom. She wasn’t even convinced that she was always that way with Gregory. After his ball buster of a mother having a headstrong wife was difficult at best. But Elizabeth was well aware that when it came to interpersonal relationships she had some flaws. She could bring full of warring men to their knees but hardly knew how to comfort her child when she cried. There was something wrong with that.

“What's the matter?” Tom moved closer to her. His hand slid down her arm, over her wrist, and into Elizabeth’s open palm. He swore she exhaled when she took hold.

“I'm a bad mother.” She said.

“I know that you and Emily have some problems in your relationship. I also know that she's as difficult to get to the center of as you are. That doesn’t make you a bad mother.”

“We haven’t had a decent conversation in almost a year. Birthdays, holidays, random Tuesday afternoons…we hardly talk at all. I should be trying harder. I'm the one who carried her in my womb and brought her into the world. 

“Most parents never realize that we owe our children so much more than they owe us. I thought I was giving her the world but really I was just living my life and dragging her along. I don’t think I can ever go back and fix that. The rift is too big and the wounds still fresh.”

“I don’t think it’s ever too late.” He drew her hand to his lips. “Your blood flows through her veins, and I know how incredibly brave, kind, and loving you can be. Surely Emily is the same.”

“I think you see me through rose-colored glasses.”

“How so?”

“I'm not very nice.” Elizabeth shook her head.

“You're wrong.” He said. “Sometimes you confuse Elizabeth Ann with Ambassador Prentiss. Ambassador Prentiss is a shark. It’s alright, she has to be in order to get things done. Elizabeth has such an easy smile. 

“She likes omelets and has come to appreciate selfies. She dances to UB40 in her bare feet, loves antiquing, and finally almost sleeps in on Saturdays. Maybe Emily needs to know that Elizabeth. She's not a kid anymore; let her get to know her mother as a human being.”

“How the hell did I let Ambassador Prentiss raise my daughter?”

“What choice did you have?” Tom asked. “Doctor Barton spent a lot of time raising Jeffrey. It took almost losing him for Tom to burst through. I still walk on a tightrope sometimes, I'm sure he does as well. I'm never going to stop putting in the effort.”

“Emily gave up on me a long time ago.” Elizabeth sighed as she turned on her side. She pulled their joined hands to her chest, closing her eyes for a moment. “I gave up on her too, but I refuse to play the martyr again. She was a difficult teenager…hellacious and difficult. 

“I had no idea what to do so I threw up my hands. Instead of taking time away from work and being a mom, I just gave up on my daughter. I was instrumental to an almost entirely bloodless end to the goddamn Cold War but I couldn’t start a decent conversation with my daughter. I sent her off to boarding school and when she rebelled against that I sent her to her father. Her death was faked by the FBI and I wasn’t even in the loop. She came back, left again, and still…I don’t do well feeling sorry for myself.”

“Then stop it.”

“Now is not the time for your overly simplistic but usually correct advice, Tom.”

“I understand. Can I tell you something else though?”

Elizabeth nodded. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear it but there was no point in being angry with Tom. He had never been anything but loving. She smiled, it actually made it to her eyes this time, when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. When Tom gave her Eskimo kisses, Elizabeth sighed happily. 

This was such bliss. How she was lucky enough to have something wonderful so late in life was beyond her. Now if she could just believe Tom wholly when he told her how lucky he was too. It wasn’t easy to swallow the fear that all of this would crumble in her hands like gravel. Somehow he managed to understand that without her ever saying a word.

“Its 7:30 a.m. in London right now.” Tom said. “I'm sure Emily is wide awake.”

“If I call her at this hour she’ll worry that something is wrong. I don’t think that’s a good foot to start out on.”

“If you make excuses now then you'll make excuses when the sun comes up.”

“I won't; I promise. I will call her; I want to call her. Right now I'm so tired and I feel so…”

“Vulnerable?” Tom asked.

“I was going to say exposed.” She replied.

“To-may-to, to-mah-to.”

“Something like that. I didn’t mean to wake you, Tom.” Elizabeth leaned her forehead on his. “I know you have to be out early in the morning.”

“I don’t care about that. When you love someone, Lids, you know when they're not OK. If you need me then I'm going to be here.”

“I do need you.” she barely whispered it, nodding. Her hands caressed his face.

“There's nothing to be ashamed or shy about.” Tom said. “I need you just as much, love, if not more.”

“More?” there was skepticism in her voice as Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

“More, more, more Lids.” He smiled. “And a little bit more than that for good measure.”

His kisses were soft and passionate. Tom moved onto his back, holding Elizabeth in his arms. His hand ran over her raven hair and she hummed. She tightened her arms around him.

“Tom?”

“Yes?”

“I love you too.” She said.

“I know.” he kissed her forehead. “Are you ready to make an honest man out of me…let me become Dr. Ambassador Prentiss?”

“You wouldn’t be…” Elizabeth laughed. “OK, it’s altogether possible you might be. I think I should only leap from one jagged cliff at a time.”

“I figured since you were falling anyway…”

“Mmm hmm, I'm sure you did.” She kissed his heartbeat.

“Whenever you're ready, Lids.” Tom yawned. “You know that. I'm not going anywhere and my feelings aren't going to change.”

“OK.”

Elizabeth had no idea why she was hesitant to marry again. She and Gregory had been divorced now longer than they were married. Her six year, on-again, off-again relationship with the senior Senator from Georgia ended amicably three years ago. The Ambassador was getting used to being on her own again. She hadn’t known Tom long enough. 

Women her age usually came to regret the whirlwind romance thing. Women her age also didn’t want to wait too long that the thrill was gone. And boy what a thrill she got from Dr. Tom Barton. Elizabeth often worried that he would eventually find a woman his own age, or even younger. Tom seemed just as enamored with her now as he was the night they first met. 

His rapture never seemed to wane. It wasn’t affected by bad days at the ER or month long diplomatic trips into the former Eastern bloc or even by Elizabeth’s tendency to push people away when she was busy, sad, or upset. It was hard to be sad when she was loved by such an amazing person. That’s probably what made her miss Emily even more. Elizabeth wanted to share this joy with someone; with someone else she loved. 

She wanted her daughter to know that despite it all she was happy and she wanted the same for Emily. Maybe it was too late to be her mother and even too late to be her friend. But Elizabeth knew she had to try. If she didn’t then she would regret it for the rest of her life. Later today she would call Emily and tell her she wanted to come to London and speak face to face. Perhaps when she arrived she could soften what was sure to be a rough reunion with news of her engagement.

***


End file.
